Diamond stud earrings for MEN. These studs are some serious stones for the rugged stud looking to enhance the family jewels with visible assets. As our photoshopped stock images demonstrate, they mate perfectly with carbon fiber, smoke, tattoos, alcohol, cowboy hats, unsafe handling of firearms, and sunglasses at night.
Trust us, you don't want the exact same earrings we photoshopped into pink backgrounds - think of all that estrogen contamination. These are round, not square. Why? Because the official name for a square diamond is the "Princess Cut," rendering them obviously unsuitable for masculine earlobes.
Please inform us if you would like your studs shipped inside a rusty car part instead of a foofy jewelry box and we will be happy to accomodate your preference. No extra charge for hydraulic fluid stains on the exterior of the shipping box. We appreciate your business, and hope you continue to consider us for all of your gendered jewelry needs. If we overlooked the gender stereotype of your choice, be sure to let us know so that we can serve you better.
- Screw-on backings. Because screws. The first rule of men's jewelry: make it look like it was bolted together by a crazed steampunk pirate. The more visible bolts, the better. Also, they'll stay in your ears without getting lost during your next beard-wrestling match down at the local tattoo parlor.
- Loads of sparkle for that sexually aggressive billionaire look. Your conquest's head is sure to whip around when they see these stones.
- Files, pliers, hammers, and modified bench grinders are used to set your diamonds with only the very manliest of methods. Sure, we're girls - but shouldn't a real man's earrings be crafted by the tender fingers of a beautiful woman?
- Offered in five sizes so that we can "subtly" hint that bigger is better. Did you know that potential mates examine the size of your earrings to estimate the size of certain.... other things? We totally did not just make that up to try to get you to spend more money. Never. Not us. I'm just saying, James Bond would go for multiple.... carats.
- Solid 14k white gold (coordinates nicely with the equipment at the gym), or 14k yellow gold (you'll recognize this from high-end audio cables). Impervious to manly sweat, cognac, and sensual grease stains.
- Four-talon cage settings grip your stones tenderly to protect them from loss; we made the settings thick and hard, and they're always ready for insertion into your meaty lobes.
- Recycled settings have been refined and alloyed in a bellowing furnace in the land where the American flag flies proud, then cast (hopefully with a bald eagle soaring overhead while a motorcycle revs) from molten metal.
- Man-Grade I1 clarity, G-H color. We limited you to these because their dark, gritty origin story made them slightly flawed and thus Testosterone-compatible. These sparkle and look great in your ears; they accent sexy scars and brooding expressions like nothing you've ever seen. They do have inclusions, but nobody's going to notice unless the hottie nibbling your earlobe stops to study up close. If you want a better grade, you'll have to venture into the bland horrors of our unisex selection.
- The diamonds, sadly, are conflict-free. Due to pesky government regulations, we were unable to import diamonds in vodka bottles filled with the blood of exploited African children. We're considering yelling at each other a lot while setting them, or letting them watch our next trip to the firing range.
- Carat weights listed are total carat weight. This means if you order 2 carat studs, you get two pendulous stones weighing a carat each. Carat weights may vary plus or minus 0.02 carats.
CIA Agents Wanted:
Do you work for the FBI? Wear an armed forces uniform? Chainsaw trees with your bared forearms? Apply your bearded strength to tricky software engineering problems? Enjoy posing like you just got out of prison and somehow bought two carat diamonds to celebrate? Ride a Harley on the weekends to distract yourself from the tedium of bond trading and the constant temptation of white collar crime? Rescue puppies from dog-fighting rings? Repair tractors for a living? Lasso wild horses while hanging upside down from a helicopter? We'd love a good photo of you wearing your #manearrings to share on Facebook.
Our female staff has absolutely no other interest in said pictures, we swear.
Yes, this is a real product for sale. No, there are no differences between these, our "normal" studs, and our women's studs. We found the search term "Diamond Studs for Men" to be hilarious and decided to have fun with it.